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Originally Posted by Skeezyks
HI Needeles: Boy... you sound allot like me... sorry to say...  We share allot of the same interpersonal issues. I'm much older than you are. But I am married & I do much the same things to my wife that you say you do. I have no other family & no friends (by choice). I simply don't get along with other people & so I have made the conscious decision to keep to myself. I also can't tolerate groups of people, much less crowds. So I seldom go out, except to walk our dog each day.
The obvious answer here is, of course couples counseling. But perhaps either you, or your s. o. are not comfortable with this. (My wife is counseling-averse, & I'm not much better!) One thing you do have going for you is that you recognize when you've said something hurtful... & you apologize. This is to be celebrated!
I don't have any great additional suggestions for you, unfortunately. What I try to do, without allot of success sad to say, is to simply create some space in conversations with my wife so that I don't simply react in the same old way all of the time. In other words, if she says something that might ordinarily trigger some automatic response on my part, I try to remember to pause & simply allow there to be some space between the end of what she says & how I reply. Sometimes simply creating that little bit of space can make it possible for me think before I just shut down & fire back in the same old hurtful way. This can be difficult to do in the heat of the moment & I am not often successful, I'm sorry to say. But I keep trying.
I wish you success in your efforts to heal your relationship. The fact that you have as much insight as you do is a great strength.  |
I would love if I was able to go out and be around people to be honest. It comes down to how uncomfortable and nervous I get honestly. Yes some people I'd rather not be around and I have no issue avoiding them sorts. I lost my family when I was young and it took me almost 7 years to finally open up and start to deal with that as a child.
I'm open to couples counseling but she isn't. I've tried to get her in to see someone alone even just to help with the death of her mother and she always says she doesn't need it.
I was doing much better at not being disrespectful twords her when I thought we both were working on things. Once I figured out that it was moreso one sided it started to become harder however. Now I'm at a point where it just comes out. She isn't living at the house any longer but we still talk using text and phone but it happens there. Just last night I got so engulfed into the conversation I said something that I never should have said and yet again once I simmered down I completely regretted saying it.
In the end I just don't know how to cope with this whole thing. The last time I hurt this bad was when I lost my biological family as a child. I've had other relationships and had strong feelings but never did they end with me feeling this lost. I don't want to fall into that same hole I did as a child but I see it but I can't seem to stop it.