I'm glad that you know better than to stop fighting it, even if you are feeling bad right now. You know, popping pimples might feel better for the moment, but it spreads the infection around and pushes some of it back inside where it gets worse and pops back up again someplace else. Same with giving in on cutting too.

Here's something that I'm learning that might apply to you too. Everything we do, we do for some reason or purpose. It might not be the best way to get our needs met, but we keep doing it because, let's face it, it meets a need for us. You can't really just plain stop doing something without replacing it, because that same need is still there and you have to deal with it somehow. Hopefully, you will replace it with something positive. What is your best replacement for cutting or for any other behaviors that you are better off without?

What goals do you have in life? What are you doing to move towards those goals? Do you believe that your father is still watching you and guiding you? What are you doing to make him proud? Those are the things that will give you something to work with, and if you feel like sharing your hopes and dreams here, it will help us know how to help you better too.

I'm not sure who the person here is that you think is giving up on you. There are lots of people who can support you here though, and if you depend too much on one particular person, that can be frustrating for you, for them, and for everyone else too who would like to help. Please know that I have high hopes for you. I am impressed with anyone who has been conquering SI for 7 years (at present I can claim 0 days ). I am sorry to you and anyone else that I haven't been able to give more support. Things are a little hectic for me IRL, and although I try to check in here, I never have as much time as I would like, and I'm always playing catch up.

Rap