i want to quit smoking for myself and for my family and yesterday i told them about my problem with giving it up and how hard it is and so last night i went out and got a jack daniels and and a bottle of coke and the next day which is today she found it and said how disappointed she was and just because i have depression and stuff doesnt mean i go on relaying on smoking and drinking the i should just pray and rely on God more and resist the urges i have every day and stuff and she said she cant trust me any more with the money i make (which is a very little amount) anyway and so she wants me to give her all the money i make from now on because i cant be trusted with it anymore ........
and she is right .......this depression along with addiction has taken everything from me. most of all it has taken my whole entire life away. when i was a kid things were so ...simple and innocent and everything thing in life was so great even the little things... but now this depression and addiction takes all of what i have and had away. its like my old life never existed before this all happened to me. i didn't ask for this, nobody does. i don't know how to trust in God and rely on him to get over these urges of my drinking and smoking. i know to a lot of people smoking isn't a big deal, but because of my religion it is something you should not do and i know and agree with that because that is what the bible says too so in doing everything that i've done means ivelet all let my parents down and God done once again. i don't know where i belong in this world and i don't feel like there is any room for someone like me left init anymore. this is not to make other people dealing with addiction and depression to feel as to what i am saying but this is just how i feel about myself. i don't expect anyone to care or feel bad for my situation, i just need this to be said. I just really hate myself for giving in and my parents not understanding me but then again i dont even understand myself