I'm in college. I knew that I wasn't ready for it. I have absolutely no motivation or purpose. I only came here to do drugs. My parents are paying thousands of dollars a year for me to do drugs. I hate myself for this. I used to be so ambitious, and have goals and desires, but being here makes all of it seem futile. I'm too anxious/don't care enough to participate in class. I have a four page rough draft of a paper due tomorrow and I haven't even started it yet but I don't give a ****. I know that I'm going to be up all night. My sleep schedule is atrocious. I just want to run away and drive off into the unknown and find a new life for myself. I get suicidal sometimes, but I know that I don't want to die. Life can be exciting, I know that, just not here. Advice??

I apologize for the intense negativity, I'm just so sick of this. I've been so up and down for years, and I think all of the drugs that I've been doing are making me paranoid....which isn't helping because I keep thinking that all of my friends hate me, which piles onto the whole hating myself situation (I really don't hate myself though, I just hate the situation that I'm in right now). I know that my life is not that bad, but I feel incredibly unfulfilled.