well I suppose I should thank you. What you say does make sense. Doesn't make me feel any better as it doesn't make the actions right. Still I am thankful for a better understanding.

I've been in 3 relationships (8yrs, 16 yrs, 1+yrs) and this happened in all three. In the first two such 'innocent' relationships became something not so innocent. I broke up with my BF because I felt his own behaviour was inappropriate and did so before the problem got worse. Yes, my judgement may have been clouded by the past experience. It is hard not to think that in some way I have been the problem.

But I refuse to fall into that trap. I refuse too to believe this is normal behaviour. I want to believe that most men have better judgement than this - that not all men have what I think is a compulsion for this behaviour.