Hi Warrior,
I can relate to your story. Although my transference is erotic in nature, I understand not wanting to show your therapist how much you care for her because I didn't want to show mine either. However, I will say for me, it was immensely helpful to show my therapist how much he meant to me because 1) withholding my transference meant withholding the truth and a vital part of myself, which ultimately meant I was cheating myself out of a richer and more helpful therapy 2) I found that although the "caring" my therapist has for me is fundamentally different than the erotic fulfillment I want from him, it was still gratifying to know that while I'm in session with him, I do matter just as much as he matters to me...just in a different way and 3) my therapist helped me overcome feelings of shame which helped me accept my feelings and the dynamic of our therapy.
I suspect your therapist will be able to articulate something akin to this if you give her the chance to be there for you. I understand this is SO HARD to do, but if you can get to that space just long enough to be open with her--I think it will do way more good than harm.
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Originally Posted by Bipolar Warrior
My therapist/mentor at university has upset me a couple of times, and I can never really confront her about it properly without revealing my transference.
Last week she forgot about me. She said the week before that she would text me to let me know if she wanted me in at 1pm or 1:30 next time, and then she never texted me. When I feel insecure about a relationship I tend to come up with ridiculous "potential explanations" as to why the person would forget about me (or not respond to my texts, etc.), and this was no exception. I somehow convinced myself that it was personal, that she simply didn't want to see me or was annoyed with me or something. So instead of doing the rational thing of texting her myself, I did nothing.
It really upsets me that she forgot about me, but it upsets me even more that it upsets me so much in the first place (yikes that sounds ridiculous). I'm just one of her students. She simply forgot one of her students.
I'm seeing her tomorrow, and I am trying to think of a way to talk to her about this without revealing just how important she is to me and the fact that I love her because that makes me feel so pathetic. Maternal transference sucks. I want it to go away, but it just seems to be getting worse. The idea of talking to her about that actually terrifies me and I really don't think I can do it.  |