Hugs to you littleowl2006. I know that feeling when something in you breaks. My soon to be ex sat in the car with me and said if I saw his work visa then I might want to shoot myself. Today I am telling myself that a lot of this drama is on him, his anger, his cheating, his never being present, his stories of our relationship verses his actions that say something else. I loved him, I was committed, and us not working is on him. I have shut the door in my heart to him. I still talk to him - he is over everyday for our kids. I wish him well and I act like it. I still love him and I believe he loves me, he is just not allowed to come in. Keep talking to us, it is nice to hear what a sweet loving person you are.