This is me too. I have no friends, never had a relationship, I've never been close to anyone. I'm unemployed and I know I won't ever be happy if I would need to work in a local store or something (nothing wrong with that, but it wouldn't make me happy).
I do have therapy and my current T is a good T, but before her I had many not so good T's, some even made me worse.
I don't have the energy for anything, I don't have motivation or hope.
All I want is to be dead. I often think about ending it . But I'm afraid to do it.

I can't offer you advice or anything. I can't even help myself. The only thing I can do is to continue going to therapy.
Maybe if you can afford to go to therepy again, you could give it another try? I know there are many bad T's, but there are also good T's who can help you. Only they are really hard to find. Or maybe a self-help book can help you a bit?