You are welcome Beachlover. It's really not unusual for someone your age to be anxious and fearful and feel somewhat lost about what they want to do for a career. The average student graduating from High School tends to think too much about not achieving perfection or enough standing in High School, so it's not unusual to struggle with self esteem. The most important thing is to slowly develope a mindset where you begin to enjoy learning how to learn. And guess what, "most" if not "all" individuals your age are in many ways "faking it". And at 19 your brain is not even fully developed either, that doesn't happen until someone reaches around age 25.

Right now the next thing you need to just focus on is learning how to adjust to learning how to learn in an environment that is different from High School. You are really not going to know "yet" what fits you until you experience some different things. The fact that you are drawn to the arts is a good thing, but be patient with yourself in developing yourself artistically ok?