SarahSweden: I can relate to some of what you say. I am also in quite hopeless place. Nothing much to live for. It is a f*cked up world, but not entirely.

Don't give up. There are people out there that you can connect with. For some of us, it takes a massive effort to overcome the despair.

Also do you have access to good holistic medical care? Maybe there are some physiological things affecting your brain.