Yes, I can intellectualize that the group of men probably took little notice of our grup in the corner but at the time I was convinced they were staring at me and laughing at me.

I hate this. It happens to me all the time. I hate going anywhere alone beccause I'm so sure I am being looked at and evaluated. Am I dressed okay? Is my hair okay? Are they thinking I'm fat? Am I even walking okay? Do I have some ridiculous gait that they are laughing at?

And it's not just that I am convinced they are thinking this but I actually worry I will be confronted on it. I don't have trust that no one will say anything to me.

I know it goes back to being bullied mercilessly as a kid and teen.

This is part of me, I can't change it, and it runs my life.