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Originally Posted by BudFox
I have figured it out mostly. But that for me is only a mental exercise. Doesn't ease the pain much or at all. I don't know what another T can add to this, other than perhaps a few insights. I know that telling the story to a an empathetic ear could be helpful, but it would have to be a pretty special person. I am so profoundly disillusioned that the possibility seems remote.
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I find for me what works is not simply a mental exercise but getting in touch with some thoughts and buried emotional reactions that are behind/causing certain bad/undesirable emotions. When you confront it head on it helps a lot for some reason. Mental exercise/analysis on its own is not enough. I'm sure I'm saying all trivial stuff here
but I'm rather new to the whole thing. Also, sorry if it was indeed really trivial.
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Have you been able to put together some sort of early childhood narrative that explains all this? So with this guy do you mean the coping mechanism broke down in a good way, or did it feel threatening? I am avoidant also.
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Well it's not from early childhood really, it's more the result of teenager stuff. I have a lot of memories on it but I probably didn't connect all dots yet. Refer to above technique again.
With this guy, I liked the good feels, but when the relationship eventually didn't work out with the guy, I didn't know what to do with the mental/emotional change. I'm slowly getting there...?