Hi Breezy,
First of all, a hug:
You posted this nearly 20 days ago, so I hope you are doing ok today.
I can relate to a lot of what you've wrote.
I am dealing with a lot of issues in my present life, and then issues from my past come up to "join the gang" and help beat me up. As if the current issues needed any help with that...
I hope you don't mind me commenting on a few things related to your present life, that caught my attention on your post?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Breezy~Day
I've tried so hard to move past my "shyness" in order to build friendships. I've been told again and again that I need to move past my comfort zone in order for people to understand me and care about me, or just to build friendships.
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Ah, I've been hearing and reading that a lot lately. "Move out of your comfort zone!". It's on TV, on the radio, on newspapers... everywhere.
It's a "canned answer" given by someone who doesn't care to someone who's got a problem.
People are simply uncapable of showing any sign of understanding.
As for moving past your "shyness", I have learned by experience that it's better not to "push it". So, my take on "making friends" is: let things happen naturally at your own pace, not at someone else's urgency.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Breezy~Day
Well, I've done anything I could just to change things around. I've gone out more, I've tried talking and being friendly with my many coworkers, and I've been trying to be more caring in what I talk about and how I interact. I still act friendly to coworkers without missing a beat.
Still... It's hopeless. All my coworkers avoid me now, and they give me sneers and act condescending towards me. They give each other "knowing" looks around me, and stop talking when I'm around. I heard someone mention that they have to stop talking because I'm near by. Everyone there has friends except me, and everyone acts upset when they have only me to work with. No, I'm not a bad worker, and I get compliments about my work ethic by supervisors.
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Well, if you're getting compliments from the bosses and dirty looks from colleagues, then you must be doing something right
It must be jealousy.
Yeah, I had coworkers like that in other jobs in the past, and I know it sucks...
The solution? Well, either you endure it, or you find another job.
One things for sure is that things are always in motion. Meaning that things will change eventually. Take action, or not, things will change.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Breezy~Day
I feel like everyone's allowed to treat me like utter garbage with no consequences because I'm a "beautiful" young woman. Of course, looks are all that matter (sarcasm), so of course it doesn't matter how much I'm squashed under other people's feet. Or how much I suffer in isolation and rejection.
I feel like everyone's trying to so hard every day to make me like a reject, to give up and kill myself or something, so that they can feel just a tiny bit more superior than they usually do.
People treat me like I'm disgusting and don't deserve social interaction. That I should be locked away out of public view.
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All those negative things and toxic people around you are not worth your time.
When you are alone and no one gives a scrap, when the world seems to hate you, who should come to your rescue?
You are the only who can be kind to yourself. Even if you happen to be surrounded by "friends" and/or people who "love" you, don't forget that the most important person in your life is yourself.
It may seem cliché, but give it some thought.
I better stop right here. See ya!