I had a productive session last night and learned something new. T and I talked about how I feel that my moods have been cycling. I guess they always have been but I hadn't made the connection until recently.

I go from irritable to angry and then kind of hyper and impulsive and somewhere in there is depressive moments too. Reducing my meds on my own is what brought this to light for me.

My T has seen the same pattern and told me to look up cyclothymia. I did some prelim research last night and there seems to be fine lines between this and various stages of bipolar. I don't think I am bipolar after what I read but

I need to see my p-doc and can't until the 10th of August. I just called again today. I felt like saying 'okay I'll just cycle until then' But I didn't.

What confuses me today is that between my T and p-doc I've heard the following regarding diagnosis:

My T: Major depression, PTSD, ADD, traits such as hysterical, dependent, obsessive, and now cyclothymia meaning hypomanic episodes.

My P-doc: OCPD (T disagrees), ADD, depression

I trust my T's assessment far more than my p-doc. I hardly know her and only see her 15 minutes at a time. I usually can't get a word in either.

I guess I'm wondering now if the real diagnosis is ADD and cyclothymia. I did read that it is hard to pin point someone's true problem until sufficient time has gone by and symptoms, behavior etc. can be noted. I've been with T well over a year and a half.

I'm hoping this is my answer. I don't want to cycle like I do anymore.

I find it frustrating that I have a T and a p-doc. How much should they be communicating with each other? I forgot to ask T that last night. It seems to me that critical information comes out in my sessions and with my p-doc its a med check only.

I'm frustrated...