Sounds like depression to me, but you need to talk to a doctor, because some physical problems cause similar symptoms and need to be ruled out or treated. If not, then the depression needs to be diagnosed and addressed. A physician can discuss options with you. (Assuming you haven't done all this already.)

All in all I hope you can find a way forward so you can live life rather than existing.

Maybe start by being kind to yourself, you're calling yourself all sorts of derogatory things at the moment and you DO deserve some understanding and kindness, especially from yourself. Good luck.

❤️