I failed to mention. I do my best to be pleasing to others outside what I rant here. You only see certain pictures. You never get the full picture. That's ok on here. I expect the misguided responses. I don't get mad, unless their really ignorant which I received before.

I do work my best to make things work all the time. I do try new things and try to get out of this. So I want to make that clear before any advice on how to make my situation better, because most stuff I've already tried and still am attempting every day. Sometimes it works a lot of times it doesn't. So I focused my energy on my content of the words I use or say. I get too articulate and advanced in my vocab and some people I know personally don't understand what the hell I'm talking about. It's annoying, but I deal with it promptly. I'm not being overly expressive or trying to be difficult, but when I get a "what." "what are you talking about man?" "Like bro go with the waves?" like these people are so redundant and difficult at times to connect because they lived in a lifestyle I wish I had easier like they did every damn day, they don't see that, but I appreciate it when they can. I don't get mean with my friends, unless I feel threatened which is rare.

I'm very composed and calm and keep to myself most of the time in public and with people I know, but I know easily how to be fun and let go with and without alcohol, hookah, weed etc. It's just the demographic where I live is what I have to work with and that's all I got.

So please refrain explaining to me, how to or not do my life. I didn't want advice, I rather see empathy and feeling that I'm heard. Nothing else. I need it a lot. I posts these things alot, because I need it. It's a human thing a need not a want.

A lot of people should understand this for certain. No one is lesser than me or above me they just don't understand. I wish they did. I'm usually angry because they can't, but if they did I wouldn't be talking about this now. This conversation comes up a lot with my therapist. She knows this very well. She can't do anything either, just let me vent when I need it too.