I'd like to start off by saying don't try to be who your mom wants you to be. Be yourself. It's sounds so cliche, but it's so true. Your mom isn't trying to make you "the good person" she's claiming. She's trying to live your life for you. She's making your decisions, because that's how _she_ would lead your life. It's not her life. She has her own, and it's her fault if she didn't live it properly. The fact that she's taking it out on you is bad in itself. What's hard to understand is that she isn't a good mother. I don't mean to be insulting, but this is in response to "You’re not a horrible mother, and I know I’m only picking on your bad qualities." It's hard for you to see that she's not the mom you think she is because she's the only mom you've got. It's not like you're given a line-up of moms to compare and contrast. You have one mom who tells you she's a good mom, so you do what _any_ person in your situation would do - you believe it. You need to realize that all the times she insults you and says you're living incorrectly, she's the one that's wrong. About the way she nit-picks your qualities that remind her of your father, she's simply going about her hate for him all wrong. Of course things that remind her of him will make her depressed, or angry, etc. However, just because one bad person in the world has brown hair doesn't mean that everyone with brown hair needs to dye theirs. The things you have similar to your father do not make you the bad person he was. Your mom is simply being reminded of bad times, and that's something she needs to come to terms with - not you. You aren't doing anything wrong.
Again, to wrap, live life for yourself. Stop trying to make her happy - she won't be. If it's not against the law, _generally_ it's not a bad thing to do. So disregard her opinion on the matter and do what makes you happy. If she thinks whatever you're doing is wrong, that's her mistake. To her, if it's not how she'd live your life, then it's "wrong," but that's obviously an incorrect stance on the situation.

I hope that helped some.