I can relate, because I have meltdowns at work sometimes that are just horrendous and I find them so shameful. I know my behavior is not typical but I'm stuck with my reactions, even though I work with my T to try to manage them better.

What strikes me about your story here, though, is that you left a job that was overwhelming for you. You decided you couldn't do it and you LEFT. That's such a moment to be proud of. Lots of people work jobs they hate because they are too afraid to leave, or fall into the ritual of doing what they have always done. You broke out of that and took action. That's something to value.

I know you wish you had done it differently, but you DID it and now you can look inside to find out what would make you happier. You've really taken a step towards empowering yourself.