Hello TheSquids: In my experience, being transgender is nothing if not confusing... confounding... perplexing... I know because I've had a lifetime of it. It's a bit easier now than it once was... but that's not to say it's easy... just easier than it was... I hope you are able, in one way or another, to reconcile the "two you's"... 
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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