Is there anyone that you do feel safe talking about it with? Even someone other than your psychologist.

And I agree that you need to try to tell your psychologist what's going on, even if you're scared. It's like you're in an abusive relationship in a sense. Would it be better if you showed what you wrote rather than talking? Or saying you want to talk, but the people in your head won't let you?

It just makes me think of a child abuser who says they're not allowed to tell, or else the abuser will hurt them. But then you're letting the abuser/others have all the power...You need to take the power back, even if it's scary. It sounds like you're in a prison of sorts, and I'm hoping you can get out...