In a way, we're kind of in the same boat. Kind of. I have been struggling and not "entirely present" in therapy for several months. But I want to be able to move past this and continue working with my T, provided we both learned a hard lesson from our experience. I have had a hard time talking and staying engaged during my sessions, and although it is my belief that sometimes half the work is just showing up, I do worry about my lack of words being perceived in a way that I don't care, or don't want to get better, or am not taking therapy seriously, so I just made a move to prove that I DO care, and DO want to get better. My T has been suggesting these mindfulness courses, and shares the new rotation with me when they are Emailed to her. Cost (and just committing to that amount of time) has kept me from doing it. Well, she let me know of the newest courses last week, and forwarded the Email to me. I'm feeling frustrated by my "stalling" in therapy, and feeling no better emotionally in a year and a half since I started, so figured I needed a bit of a boost myself. So, I decided to fork over the money and sign up. (My T has taken several of these courses herself....she is not involved in putting them on...it's actually put on by a large health care provider). It's a 6 week course, but I wanted to try to help jump start myself, step out of my box, and maybe even BETTER myself. But I also wanted to show both my T and myself that I am committed to "feeling better," and am taking steps to do so, to the point of making a time and financial obligation to wellness. I've been spinning my wheels for too long, it feels like, and I think this might be a gentle push I need. Although the course I'm taking has me a bit nervous, as it's focused on some triggering thoughts for me.