Thanks Yez - really appreciate the pick me up

Unfortunately another thing to add to the pile, is that my back door lock has broken. This was friday night, and the locksmith is due round today. Thanks to my history of picking up psychopaths, I just cannot go to bed knowing the door is unlocked - so I haven't been to bed since Thursday night - just grabbing a few hours here and there on the sofa. As soon as the locksmith has been, I intend to go hibernate until my alarm goes off tomorrow morning!

Im trying to keep myself busy. Have been out foraging for stuff to make jams and chutneys with - stuff that takes hours to do, and I can 'zone out' to. The walk was nice, but its all just passing time, distractions, anything other than think about what my life has been, is, and will be. I've also started on the beer. I think its a form of SH, as I haven't had breakfast yet and I know this is gonna hurt. But if I can't smoke - I just have to do something to get rid of this blackness. I can't believe what I've become. More than that. I can't believe who I am. What my life is.