I kind of have a different take on the suicidal issue. One thing you must realize is that your family doctor is not trained to deal with suicidal issues. They are a GP & that is exactly what it means "General". If you really want treatment for the suicide, then you need to go to the appropriate Psychiatrist. Not that your therapist can't handle it & require you to sign a contract not to hurt yourself.

I hope when you said "I'm going to fight you because I am a survivor", you meant your suicidal thoughts & not your doctor. Just remember, your doctor can not stop you from attempting a suicide, he can only temporarily protect you from yourself. If you are serious, YOU WILL SUCCEED at one point in time or another. He cannot control your thoughts & when they are continual, a doctor is not likely to put you into the hospital on a permanent basis for thoughts any more than he can cage you up until your thoughts go away.

He is correct when he says "the choice is yours to make". He is being honest with you.

I have been where you are for so many years. It was a continual cycle that I could not get out of. I had so many suicide attempts, that my psychiatrist had never experienced someone that bad. The paramedics were a permanent fixture outside my home. He was continually requiring me to sign a contract to not harm myself (which I refused to sign). He controlled my meds, making me pick them up every week, but I found other things to take that could do just as much damage. I found other ways to try to be successful, & came close several times, only ended up in ICU in a coma on a breathing machine for several days. I was probably in the hospital about every other week during the cycle which lasted for years. I would end up in the hospital, & would be mad that I wasn't successful, so I would try harder the next time. My Dr finally said that he couldn't keep me safe anymore as long as I choose to act like this.

When it comes right down to it, we are the only one that can change our mode of thinking. Sure, it takes help & therapy, but in the end, we have to value our lives enough to get out of that mode of thinking. There are many depressed people who are not suicidal. It is just the way we act out our depression (or our cry for help) & is not a requirement of depression.

If you choose to continue with the suicidal feelings, it is different than actually acting on those feelings. Once you act on them, you are put into the hospital on a 72 hr hold. If you haven't resolved it by then, a hearing is held to continue it for 14 days more. After that time, they may try to find you incompetent to live in the "real" world, & place you under the care of someone responsible (as if you are a child again).

My question for you is: Is it really worth giving up your life, assuming you are not successful in your attempt, to have someone control your life & take all your freedoms away?

Your doctor is just being truthful with you, & putting the ultimate responsibility for your life where it should be, in your hands. Not to say that you don't need help to get through the place you are at, but you make the final choice.

Please choose to stay alive even though at the time you don't want to. Once you get through the cycle (how ever many years it takes), you will look back & realize how good life can really end up being & be glad that you actually didn't succeed.

Please think about it. I know I have a different point of view than the others & you may not like what I have to say, but remember I have been there for years. I know it doesn't go away over night. Those feelings are not easy to get out of our thought processes once they are there. But you can get there with help, support, & a lot of work. You can contact me anytime if you would like, I'm always available.

Sorry if I ruffle any feathers,
Debbie K