Eventually, I'm going to examine my posts here to get a better grasp of things like if there's a pattern, time making a graph with observed mood rating or something, how much I obsess about drugs and related things, etc..

What I am going to say is something I can't see. There is so much to life and this can get better and it will. I rarely get windows of insight like that.

I'm taking my meds as prescribed. I only get 1 Concerta a day until the next refill. 3 instead of two would make me content but it's just a fixed belief. Remember who you are on stimulants and remember the illness in comparison.

I want to test my insight because I think it's something different like genetic and could probably help a lot of people. Maybe it's a breakthrough in schizophrenia I don't know. I'm always trying to find a cure when I'm not well. The fact that stimulants do what they do, the tolerance, the weed, how antipsychotics make such a huge difference, pretty much psychoactive benzos for me, increasing psychosis 5x..

I write all the time but I can't finish my English right now because I skipped a few assignments and will go back to them but it's messing with my head.

There's a decline in creativity. I'm not going to stop meds because of that even though I want to. It just makes me wonder. Also, how the hell benzos make me symptomatic.

To my future self, never forget that you can succeed if you just take a step outside. You can be provided with help and support. Not by using 1k of disability a month to live with your mom. On meds, you KNOW what is real.

I will give you a life and fight for it to my death.