Sorry for multiple posts, i feel really self absorbed. I just feel like i need to send something out into the world, so it won't hurt as much as if i keep it all inside me. I guess that makes sense.

So hypomania from last week has left my relationship destroyed. He said it's not that, but doesn't know what else it could be. He just doesn't love me anymore... He thinks. He says he doesn't know, just feels blank. Maybe wants to stay together, but probably not. And he said it's nothing i did, basically it's not you, it's me kind of crap. I'm sad and confused, and angry, and i feel so stupid and naive. Wtf is wrong with me!! I just want to love someone and be loved, and it's always so complicated, and always like i'm second best. He was the one that said i love you first, wanted to move in. He was the one who suggested marriage last week, which i ran with way too quick in my hypomanic state, but his idea. So i'm trying to stay angry with him and not turn it around and blame myself, because I didn't do anything to deserve this. I'm just feeling really unlovable at the moment. Just really really sad.

And i have so many things on my plate, I really can't just fall apart, and I don't want to.
But i just don't know. I mean i think i'm a good person, i treat people well, so i just don't know. And even though i'm angry, i still love him, and I don't want him to go.

He'll need to find a new place, and I don't know how long it will take. We might try a counseling session, idk.

Plus the ring that he's having made is already ordered. It was supposed to be a wedding ring, and then the plan was just to get and wear the rings, no wedding, which was good. He still wants to give it to me, and I don't really want it if we are splitting up. He's saying it's a present, and i should just wear it on a different finger. I told him I don't want to talk about it. I'm supposed to have this little patch of hypoallergenic gold taped to my finger as a patch test til Wed, but i took it off, because no point. He's upset about that.

Fml