ContinuouslyBlue and Comethisfar, thanks for your concern. im sorry for mentioning the plan, i shouldnt have. i was just trying to help you understand i wasnt in a good position for thinking at my best and understanding and knowing what to do with this friend and thats why i came here asking for help about her and this "friendship". now i think i got it, and maybe because i havent seen her in a few days or maybe because the emergency has passed of i have understood her better.... i think im better able to handle this.

Openeyes, yes, i recognize myself a lot in her, only not in how she manages the situation and thats why i was having such a hard time understanding what she needed and was best for her but at the same time wouldnt have made me feel too bad either. i feel i have found a way to survive and manage everything when its all about me. its when others come into the scene that my head and heart are tested and im confused and feel like im going crazy. i hope this "emergency" has ended and it will be ok between me and her. now im focusng on helping another friend but its so much easier with her because i dont feel that strong intimate and confusing bond i felt with the first one i mentioned.

anyway, thank you all for your help.
i wish you all the best,
Love,
sinking