gostryter, i know just how you feel........ i still feel guilty alot of the time for talking about the things my dad said/did......... yep, like a terrible, ungrateful daughter. everyone loved my father, he was smart, funny, charming.... he told me he loved me every day. half the town showed up at his funeral. the girls from the bank and the allstate office were all in tears (i couldn't find any tears for him, although i wanted to). people from his church who knew him just to say hello showed up at our house. my siblings (including my sister, to whom he also did long-term emotional damage), cousins, everyone still talks about him like he should be canonized. only one brother will even listen to me and admit that dad wasn't perfect. i guess thats why it took me so long to admit that he did and said some very hurtful and bad things. but its not a betrayal. it's a way to start the healing. thats what my brother says anyway (i'm chicken to go to a t, so i talk to my brother) and i think he's probably right. even though i still feel guilty alot, i also feel a sense of release, like after all these years of carrying this stuff around with me, and stifling the hurt and anger, i'm finally getting it off my chest and allowing myself to feel it. i hope you'll be able to feel that someday. admitting your mom has made mistakes or has hurt you doesn't mean you don't love her...... i still love my dad very much. but i think sometimes we need to air the stuff, to vocalize it, in order to heal the wounds.

i think its probably a big step that you were able to talk to your t about it at all....... hope you're well.......

by the way - rapunzel, excellent posting.......