Within the past year I was diagnosed with ptsd and all the symptoms associated and was in treatment. The diagnosis makes sense and I have been dealing with the hyper-vigilance and anxiety for over a decade or more.

The therapist says the anxiety may be rooted in my childhood (emotionally distant, authoritarian mother, emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse with the occasional physical outburts). I ended up in a marriage with a man that had substance abuse issue and the same types of abuse persisted. I was in that intimate relationship for over 15 years.

I am have been recently shocked by my fear of being abandoned (because I spent decades isolating myself so I could hide the fact of what was occurring). my anxiety is also off the charts; some days I can identify the trigger and others i have no idea. I have also become prone to spells of crying (which makes me more uncomfortable because I was always ridiculed for being weak and crying)

A few weeks ago I lost my job and this has triggered lots of painful memories and fear of years living with financial instability. I am also fearful of losing the few friends I have in my life, those I have been able to connect with after my marriage ended. It seems that I have lost a few already which is painful and I cannot seem to cope with that too.

Since I lost my job, I am not able to keep my therapy appointments. I am looking for work but I am unsure what I can get.

Thanks for taking the time to read and any input is appreciated.