I'm an older person. So I have a whole lifetime of flashbacks that keep recurring over-&-over again. Typically, when they come up, they cause a knotting in the "pit of my stomach" as the saying goes. You mentioned that allot of your childhood & adolescence is blank. I also have this problem (if that's a good term for it.) I have no memory of my life prior to about 8 or 10 years old. What I do of it, I know because my parents told me about it as I grew up.

I've had allot of problems in my life, both mental & social beginning early in life. And I imagine that at least some of it was caused by some of that stuff I have no memory of. I used to imagine that, perhaps, I could in some way recover these lost memories & perhaps identify some trauma that caused all of my difficulties. As time has gone on, however, I have come to the conclusion that my past is a snarled ball of wire that will never be untangled. So now I am simply working on accepting all of my flashbacks with compassion rather than to try to expel them. They have only the power over me that I choose to give them.

I wish you well.