Thankyou.

Yes the anxiety this time round has been awful. I tend to not take prn meds until crisis point, so I am constantly getting worked into a state from everything from intrusive violent thoughts to going for a walk outside!

I do practice CBT when I catch the thoughts, but the major thought that I cannot challenge is that I am going to go crazy and they are going to put me in a locked ward again. That no one will be able to handle how bad my episodes and I am going to end up back in that place - or somewhere worse. And have those people do those things again.

I guess thats why I am dissociating so much right now, because if I be me, that is someone very distressed right now. It doesnt feel safe to be that person.