I'm so sorry you're feeling like this right now. Realizing something is good, it makes you see everything clearly but I know how much pain it can bring.
I know that wanting numbness in that moment is everything you could wish for, but the insight you had can help you to 'heal' and comfort your inner, wounded hurt child.

I get very anxious and depressed when I hear children calling their dads, because my dad was never there for me and what I wanted was for him to be there for me. I also don't think I'll ever be a good mother, because I will be just like my dad.

From what you've written, you see yourself in these crying children and every crying child is a mirror of you and of the young child you were; it probably brings back very painful memories.

And once that your own inner child is healed and comforted and that it has distanced herself from the pain, you will be able to be the best mother ever and put all your love in them, without being scared !