My heart goes out to you. This is exactly how I feel, although I'm past child bearing age. Please please discuss this and work on it with a T. While you're still young enough to have a family. It's my biggest regret and I would hate for you to feel like I do. That it's too late. It never goes away either. I was in a supermarket and a little girl ran to her father, saying something in my mother tongue (very unusual, my first language isn't English and you don't hear it spoken much other than rarely in cities) and I burst into tears and left a shopping trolley full of stuff in the store. I'm only just working on this now in therapy but I know I'm too old to fix some of this, which adds to it all. Please work on it now. I know it's hard. Lots of love and empathy from England.