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Originally Posted by PrairieCat
I just started EMDR for CPTSD, childhood trauma. I really like the therapist who does it, but it scares me. She said that anything can come up, quite possibly odd things I don't understand. This makes me very uncomfortable. I am not sure I can continue with this. I need to know more about it.
I will be 75 next month. My life has been very difficult. I feel much worse since my first session which was yesterday. I don't want or need more bad stuff coming into my memory because I feel that I've had enough. The T told me that I'd have a lot of bad stuff come up. Don't want that, don't need that. Been there, done that re the bad stuff.
I am a survivor of emotionally neglectful and emotionally abusive parents who were also extreme workaholic parents. That in itself was horrible but it seems that perhaps something awful happened to me which, when I begin to think of it, makes me stutter very badly and I've never, ever stuttered in my life! I do not know what causes this. All I can come up with is that I was very scared, terrified and that I realized I had no control over anything in my life then. Well, of course not, I was a kid.
I am near the end of my life and I want to try to have some quality time for what is left of my life to live. My regular therapist is good and is helping me with this. I am scared of EMDR. I don't even know if I have expressed my feelings correctly here... I was told that I had started 'processing.' Well, if that is so, I don't like it.
I know that if I am too uncomfortable, I will stop the EMDR. I think I need to know more. I have heard of people getting 'stuck' and continuing to relive the bad memories over and over and over again, endlessly. No thank you. But I think I've got to get rid of the stuttering! Can anyone relate or help?
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YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF EMDR THERAPY!!! Make sure you and your T spend lots of time in one of the initial EMDR therapy phases (Phase 2) which involves preparing for memory processing or desensitization (memory processing or desensitization - phases 3-6 - is often what is referred to as "EMDR" which is actually an 8-phase method of psychotherapy). In this phase resources are "front-loaded" so that you have a "floor" or "container" to help with processing the really hard stuff, as well as creating strategies if you're triggered in everyday life. In Phase 2 you learn a lot of great coping strategies and self-soothing techniques which you can use during EMDR processing or anytime you feel the need.
In phase 2 you learn how to access a “Safe or Calm Place” which you can use at ANY TIME during EMDR processing (or on your own) if it feels scary, or too emotional, too intense. One of the key assets of EMDR therapy is that YOU, the client, are in control NOW, even though you weren’t in the past, during traumatic events, or whatever disturbance(s) on which you’re working. You NEVER need re-live an experience or go into great detail, ever! You NEVER need to go through the entire memory. YOU can decide to keep the lights (or the alternating sounds and/or tactile pulsars, or the waving hand, or any method of bilateral stimulation that feels okay to you) going, or stop them, whichever helps titrate – measure and adjust the balance or “dose“ of the processing. During EMDR processing there are regular “breaks” and you can control when and how many but the therapist should be stopping the bilateral stimulation every 25-50 passes of the lights to ask you to take a deep breath and say just a bit of what you’re noticing, anything different, any changes. (The stimulation should not be kept on continuously, because there are specific procedures that need to be followed to process the memory). The breaks help keep a “foot in the present” while you’re processing the past. Again, and I can’t say this enough, YOU ARE IN CHARGE so YOU can make the process tolerable. And your therapist should be experienced in the EMDR therapy techniques that help make it the gentlest and safest way to detoxify bad life experiences and build resources.
Grounding exercises are essential. You can use some of the techniques in Dr. Shapiro's new book "Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR." Dr. Shapiro is the founder/creator of EMDR but all the proceeds from the book go to two charities: the EMDR Humanitarian Assistance Program and the EMDR Research Foundation). The book is an easy read, helps you understand what's "pushing" your feelings and behavior, helps you connect the dots from past experiences to current life. Also gives lots of really helpful ways that are used during EMDR therapy to calm disturbing thoughts and feelings.
Pacing and dosing are critically important. So if you ever feel that EMDR processing is too intense then it might be time to go back over all the resources that should be used both IN session and BETWEEN sessions.
As a recently retired psychologist, I used EMDR therapy as my primary psychotherapy treatment and I've also personally had EMDR therapy for anxiety, panic, grief, and “small t” trauma. As a client, EMDR worked extremely well and also really fast. As an EMDR therapist, and in my (now retired) role as a facilitator who trained other therapists in EMDR therapy (certified by the EMDR International Association and trained by the EMDR Institute, both of which I strongly recommend in an EMDR therapist) I have used EMDR therapy successfully with panic disorders, PTSD, anxiety, depression, grief, body image, phobias, distressing memories, bad dreams, and many other problems. It's a very gentle method with no significant "down-side" so that in the hands of a professional EMDR therapist, there should be no freak-outs or worsening of day-to-day functioning.
I can't say enough good things about EMDR therapy. It's changed my life both as a person/consumer, and as a therapist. It has been so satisfying to have someone come in for help and then to witness them get through their issues and finish therapy relatively quickly (compared to regular talk therapy, it's like night and day). I am both humbled by and grateful for this wonderful method that heals suffering.