Okay so my psychiatrist told me and someone who's a strong part of my support system to use both of our judgment about whether or not I need to be in the hospital...

Context: I saw my psychiatrist on Friday and she said I am full blown manic with psychosis. She put me on another AP in hopes of leveling me out, but said if I'm not down to earth by today ish to go to the hospital.

I'm still way up, which makes it hard for me to believe there's anything wrong with me much less needing to go to the hospital. My psychiatrist's words really shocked me. She said if I'm not sleeping by Sunday to go in, I'm sleeping more than I was but let's face it that's not saying much because I've been averaging three hours of sleep or less than that every night for the past several weeks.

I don't know if I'm still psychotic. I don't know if I'm a danger to myself or other people. In other words, I don't know if I'm in crisis and need to go to the hospital to get stabilized. I really don't want to go, I'll be talking to my support person about it and see what she thinks because she was at my appointment. I would call my doctor and ask her but she's out on medical leave right now.

I'm not sure what to do. I feel fantastic and well according to my psychiatrist that is the problem because my judgment is "severely compromised"... She knows how much I hate the hospital so she's given me a chance to see if I can come down out of the hospital but **** I don't think it's happening. I'm not walking out of the house and into the bad part of my neighborhood and having sex with strangers anymore but I don't know if that's a good yardstick for knowing if I need the hospital or not.

I'm ****ing irritable as **** too when someone points out that I'm still not "stable"... Like **** that you don't ****ing know me or **** about my ****ing life so **** OFF!!! I was throwing **** last night because therapy kicked my *** yesterday and it's like if you could see my rage you would totally see volcanic ash coming out of my head LOLOLOLOLOL.

But I'm fine, that's what I think. Sure I have lots of energy, I'm bouncing off the walls, I can't stop talking, I'm still exhausted... I don't know if I'm psychotic though. I'm still euphoric and what's so bad about that I still don't get it. It's hard for me to even post in this forum because it's so hard for me to see that I'm not well as I mostly struggle with mania/hypomania and not depression so I don't know...

If I feel fine then why would I need the hospital? My psychiatrist was pretty blunt about it though... I just don't know and that pisses me the **** off too.

I've been hospitalized five times because of manic episodes like this and it's like... am I at the point to where I need the hospital? I don't know, I don't think so but I thought I may as well ask because why not and I can't stop talking anyways so HI if you have any thoughts you don't mind sharing about this please do!

Regards!