((((((((((christina))))))))))
it didn't help that I was feeling fragile before i read you r post, but I was in tears through all that I read (I haven't even got to finishing it yet!). I hope you can see that it is NOT your fault you are the way you are. I could relate to so much of what you wrote, even though I had never 'put 2+2 together'. I think that my brothers resented my 'special needs' that took away so much from our house- not just the nice foods etc but mum's time and energy and possibly the 'extra attention' that same with it all. My brothers also fed on me being so emotional- I have gone from crying at the drop of a hat to not even being able to cry when I NEED to (usually!). But anyway...
please do not try and conform to what you believe your mother wants. You are your own person and have every right to be the way that you are. If you were to change for her, who would you be?????
p.s. I hope that these replies to you can help lighten up that black hole for you, even if it is just a bit. Sending you a big lantern to help
xxxsuz