Hi everyone,

I've been reading the forum for a while now, and this is my first post.
For some reason I needed more time before starting to post.

I have been diagnosed with deep depression and anxiety many years ago, took tons of meds, and almost ended my life. Somehow I managed to stop taking my meds, and have recovered (from what is possible) from those dark days.

Unfortunately in the last year I have been suffering with PTSD regarding to bad stuff that happened in my childhood and dragged along my teenage and young adult years. To make it worse, in the beginning of the year I almost caused a car accident because of my terrible state of mind, and now I am being tormented by that too. I can't seem to forgive myself for the mistakes.

I was supposed to be helped by a psychologist and start EMDR, but I am in a foreign country which is not a english speaking country, and doctors keep sending me from one to the next because they are afraid their english is not good enough to help me and that they will make me feel worse.

It has been really hard to calm down lately, I don't know what to do anymore. I am sorry for such a long post.