I agree with the other two posters and none of us can diagnose you. I wanted to add though, during my biggest episode, I had no idea I was manic; I was hyper religious and believed everything I was experiencing was given by God. However, at the same time, I had such severe anxiety that I believed that demons were surrounding me. I had such severe anxiety that I experienced sometimes enchanting and always frightening disassociation. I had such severe anxiety that I felt I had no choice but to hit the floor, face down, no matter where I was, and beg God to take my fear. The fear I recognized. The anxiety and fear is what led me to seek help. It is most distressing and hardest to overcome for me. One does not always recognize the symptoms of Bipolar and one does not have to have elation to experience mania. Is there someone close to you who could discuss this with you? Often others notice changes in behavior before we do. Anyway, I am sorry you are struggling with this. It sounds terrible. I hope you find relief and a solution soon.