Its great that you have so much self awareness of yourself and the BPD traits.

I understand mostly the part where you said you would think of turning to drugs or alcahol to spite the person who unintentionally hurt you. I sometimes feel like committing suicide for similar reasons involving my family for seemingly not understanding me or caring or helping enough and I wouldn't follow through and know that it is not rational thinking and would be a very selfish mean thing to do but it is how I feel from time to time.

I'm not sure what advice I could give you. The most important thing is that you are already self aware and that's a great start.

Have you considered telling the therapist or whoever it is that you are feeling this way ?

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