I am not thrilled about clozaril but it is becoming my only choice really quickly. I've already been through the whole blood test thing with my pdoc and if we have to use the stuff it will be just as the marketers advertise, a last resort. I'm quite afraid of it although my pdoc says she's had people do really well on it.

Haldol has a high risk of causing movement disorders for me. I've had them happen over and over with different meds and am currently not very interested in trying anything with much risk of them because the whole thing is awful. I go on the med, maybe get some response, then the first warnings of the movement disorder come, we adjust treatment, it continues, we keep adjusting and lowering the dose eventually, I lose all benefit and have to come off and last time ultimately wind up IP to get things under control the best they can (which is not that great because my current meds just aren't working well anymore).

It's just a tricky situation. Hopefully my pdoc has had something new drop into her lap since I saw her. Or there will be some surprise in my list of what my insurance covers when she looks at it for the 10th time.

I've known for years that it was likely I'd get to the point that there just weren't any meds that were good options. Even with preparation (and the ability to deny that for a long time because the last time we got close something worked) it's just hard to believe I'm actually here.