Hello TA4645: Welcome to PC! I'd like to suggest that your wife has pushed you in the right direction! PC is a great place to find support as well as information regarding mental health concerns. I can't say that I have any experience that would be relevant to what you have experienced. However, I can certainly understand what you wrote about the levels of services that are available in your rural area. Although I now live in a large metropolitan area, I lived much of my young life in rural areas. And I recall what it was like. I do think that finding some one person, or group of people, who can relate to your experiences would be important. As long as your only option is to keep rolling this stuff around in your own mind, it's unlikely to get resolved.

One particular Forum, here on PC, you might consider posting in is the Men Focused Support Forum: forums.psychcentral.com/men-focused-support It may be that, in this forum, you will be able to find some other young men who have had, or are struggling with, similar experiences. My best wishes to you.