Oh, to go into it all takes so long. Better with a T.

First, bad blood with my brother & I. Asked him for a favor in an email. But what I wrote pushed some of his buttons, he wrote an email back that pushed my buttons, letting me know that I'd ruined his peace of mind so he couldn't meditate. Fortunately, I held back from answering because I was expecting things wouldn't work out. Then he wrote a shorter note, saying he couldn't do the favor. Also expected. So I wrote back and said that I agreed, no contact is best. My stomach is clenching up. Which it was. Then he offered me money, instead of doing the favor. I don't want his money. I want a loving family who supports me.

Second, I've longstanding friend, but I am not her best friend. I am not anyone's best friend. And right now, she has a childhood friend who is sick living with her. But when she said they might buy a house together, and I asked if I could buy in, she fobbed me off. I have another longstanding friend who has a similar True Blue best friend. But I am not anyone's best friend. And I wrote an email saying I was hurt; and she is now telling me all the ways I've hurt her, and all my character defects are coming out and ways I hurt people that I don't even know I do.

Third, I stumbled onto a freelance writer who has extra work, and he is going to give some of his overflow to me, and it is going to be very helpful to have that money. But I wrote something catty in an email about another business person I'd recently met -- and it turned out, this is one of his friends. Out of work in a strange city, I simply can't afford to make these kinds of missteps. I've got to zip it and keep my uncharitable thoughts to myself.

I've been crying almost constantly since yesterday, isolating, unable to take the positive constructive actions I need to take to find a place to live by Nov. 1. It's as if something has gone out of me, and I can't care about myself for longer than 2 seconds.

My brother is hurt; I'm hurt. My friend is hurt; I'm hurt. I hurt myself in a business setting. I can't handle all this hurt.