Tonight I said to my Mom, "You probably dread me." I said to my Mom, "You don't want..." for a second I saw her nod slightly. Then, I finished by saying that they did not want me. When I said this, she was annoyed at me for saying that. She also seemed to act as if this was a ridiculous/troublemaking question. Then, they basically said that they were frustrated with me for being "frozen in time". They said if things stayed the way they were that would just be the way it is and they would just have to live with that, but that it would want things to improve. Then I said that she regretted having me, because of me being more difficult than usual because of my problems. She said, "I don't wallow in things like that." and said that "everyone has value". However, I could tell I was right on the money there. So, I said, "The thought didn't cross your mind at some point." She then just said, "Not really." After a bit, she said, "Your starting to feel sorry for yourself again." When I said that I was upset with her saying that she said, "Your starting to ruminate again." Then, she said, "What difference does it make what I thought 20 years ago. What bearing does that have on now." Basically, I just learned that regret surrounds my very existence They didn't say it straight out, but I kind of read between the lines on it. Well, if that's the case, then I don't know. It's definitely one of those things that's good to know.