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Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
Just because you have BPD, doesn't mean that's the reason for the problems in your relationship. Since it is a long-term committed relationship, you should tell him. If he really loves you and is committed to you then he will accept you no matter what. Why hide secrets from him? That is one of the things that easily kill a relationship. How do you think he will feel finding out sooner than later. He might leave you for keeping the secret.
My fiance knows I have BPD. It didn't change our relationship. He just now has a label for my symptoms.
And it's not healthy to blame a diagnosis for your behavior. You can get better, but it takes work. Are you in therapy or on meds? That will show him that your invested in making the relationship healthier.
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I know that I shouldn't hide it, but I feel such a great shame associated to it. I'm scared he will think badly of me, hence I keep all my suffering to myself. I often have outbursts of rage with other people but I always suppress the strong urge when I'm with my boyfriend because I don't want to 'scare' him away.
I'm not in therapy anymore, my old therapist didn't take me seriously. I stopped taking antidepressants (for depression, though) that totally ruined my life. (memory loss, crippling GI tract problems,...)
I will try to seek therapy again with another therapist, I hope I won't be too ashamed to talk freely about my BPD
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThunderGoddess
smartiesparty I totally understand where you are coming from I am also in a long term relationship and a lot of our problems stem from my BPD actions we go to couples therapy I go to individual therapy but my bpd is unhealthy for any relationship so I can feel you on that. I honestly think you should let him know and if you are scared then go to a therapist together and tell him there. BPD takes a serious toll on relationships and the best way to keep it healthy is you must seek therapy together.
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ThunderGoddess, I hope you're doing well with the couples therapy. I don't feel ready yet to incorporate my boyfriend in the therapy I'll hopefully start soon, but maybe I can just have a long talk with him about this problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WibblyWobbly
I wouldn't hide it. I wish my last boyfriend and I had both known that I was BPD so I could have gotten some help when I started to get irrational. It got to a point where he couldn't handle the meltdowns anymore. He would have stayed if he had known that my behaviors were part of this thing called BPD and that it was something I could get help for. The label wouldn't have scared him as much as these unexplainable negative behaviors.
The horrible thing about BPD is how we internalize everything until the suffering becomes unbearable. You're making the choice to continue down that same path and it's not a pretty one.
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I am sorry and I totally agree with you saying 'we internalize' everything until it becomes unbearable. That's exactly how I feel. I suppress my feelings when I am with my boyfriend and this causes my mind to suffer very very very much inside, because I feel such shame!