Yesterday I found out something about a family member that is extremely hard to deal with. It's a whole legal thing and it involves serious PTSD triggers for me and so I was up nearly all night despite 2 PRNs and I'm feeling worse than I've been feeling which wasn't good.

Now I woke up to a cat having a pancreatitis attack. Right this moment he seems to be feeling a bit better but we are off to be at the vet's door when they open in a few minutes. Until then I'm anxiously watching him. This can be fatal; he very nearly died in March. (and I just paid it off...)

I have to go talk to my therapist today about self-harm fear and ask him to keep something for me to help me stay safe. That's always fun and I HAVE to talk about the family member thing an well, just not enough time in one hour for what needs discussed in therapy.

My depression I can't describe right now. It feels like it has an actual weight. This is just too much.