Trigger*************


Dear Ex-T

I feel like I'm losing you all over again. I screwed up I know but can you find it in your hear to forgive me. You're supposed to be such a good Christian. Did I really screw up that badly. I want to punish myself for screwing up but I know that won't bring you back to me. I guess I will never see you again-that saddens me tremendously. I guess I was right when I said I was evil and not a good person because you were taken from my life. You were the one person I needed to guide me spiritually and now I'm totally lost. I feel like I don't belong. I feel like I'm in limbo. It hurts to just physically exist. I wish I could go back to Monday night and redo everything over again. I emailed you yesterday and you never emailed me back so I have my answer - you never want to speak to me again. I'm sorry - very sorry for whatever I did that was relayed back to you through the cops. I don't think they believed me and something they said to you drove you away. I'm in so much anguish and I'm lost. What do I do now? I know what I want to do but people say that doesn't solve anything. I think it would sove everything. No one would have to put up with me. I wouldn't have to worry about disappointing anyone ever again including you. I know I disappointed you in every possible way. I can't say sorry enough. I wish you could read this and know that I truly am sorry.