My supervisor at my internship has this squishy stuffed elephant that she calls "The Dammit Doll." This stuffed toy is for all the therapists to throw around and punch afterwards if we have a really bad/frustrating group.

On Wednesday I did a group in the mood disorders unit. It was one of "those" groups. Totally frustrating. Pulling teeth. Couldn't get anywhere with anyone. The only answers that the patients were giving were the ones in which they knew the therapist would want to hear. The group dynamic was poor. My supervisor told me I did all I could, and that this is just the place in which these particular patients are at right now. It was a very frustrating group. Very, very resistant.

My supervisor gave me the dammit doll, and instructed me to punch it and yell "DAMMIT!!" Haha, it felt weird.

I thought about how my T must feel when I'm being all resistant like that. How he must want to go deeper with me, but I just won't go there. How he recognizes things in me, just like I did with my patients-- but you just can't get there. It's so weird being on both sides of the spectrum. I wonder if he gets frustrated like I did. But I'm new at this. He's seasoned. I wonder if the feelings are the same.