I just don't understand why everything that happens to me happens. I have no way of getting a job in my hometown and I don't have the money to move or the desire to move. I have a horrible past and I just don't give a crap anymore. How is it selfish to want to save others the hurt of dealing with me? Who says its a bad thing if its the only way out? When everyone knows you're just a lost cause, and they act like you aren't to keep you around. When all you do is lie and hide and fake your way through life. Why shouldn't I research and try to find ideas? Why shouldn't I write my note and plan it out? Why shouldn't I try?