I know it's really hard right now but telling yourself you will never get better isn't ever going to help you feel better I also know it's not so easy to flip the switch so I'm not pressuring you but if you could try to look at a different way like with more detail so you can understand the emotions you are feeling and try to help yourself to feel a bit better than you do now.

Here is an example of what my therapist said to me yesterday... So I walked into his office and I said this morning has been really crazy I'm losing my mind I wish I could just starve to death and die And he said now what really happened this morning because I know it wasn't crazy and you are not losing your mind ( of course that irritated me because I WAS LIKE NOOOOO I AM F*** CRAZY WHY ARE YOU DENYING MY RIGHT TO FEEL CRAZY? I didn't say that but thought it) So the I proceeded to please him. Okay my debit card was stolen and my phone is off and I have no money for food today and I am feeling stressed out about it because I can't do anything to fix it right now. And after I said it that way it helped me feel a bit better because it was better than crazy to be honest crazy isn't really something you can grasp and get yourself out of but the facts of a situation can help you alter the future of the day a bit.

I love you I think you are a really nice person I think you are trying the best you can right now and I'm proud of you for sticking it out! This isn't easy but you can get better one day at a time, you won't always have good days but there will be more good days than you could of ever imagined once you get in the right therapy for you.