I guess I took what is mine and walked away from him. I don't really want him back, I am just so very very sad for the good things that went away with the bad. And so disappointed. And angry at myself for being so stupid. And still in love. He was an inspiration to me and apart from the bad experiences I also learned a lot from him and from our relationship.
My mum came to visit me over the weekend, and there are some good friends who keep me going, even though everyone is pretty busy. I got a hug from my yoga teacher that I didn't expect. And sometimes I go to a park and pet the ponies they have there.
Getting love and support is also one of my lifelong projects, my family belong to the type of people you learn to avoid later. My dad is the kind of man who will always set a bad example and who treats people like crap, he's not in my life anymore. I hate having to shut people out, but seems like this is what I am doing right now.
Feeling your pain, Rose, and hugs to you as well. I hope you find freedom and love for yourself. Don't beat yourself up.
love