Quote:
Originally Posted by Alone & confused
My ex and a few others have that affect on me too. With one person I know, all I have to do is hear her name and it sends me into a frenzy! I mean, instantaneously infuriates me! Then, I find myself even more angry that I let anyone have that much control over my emotions like that. I don't get it either.
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IT'S A TRICK Alone & Confused! Happy, well adjusted people also get upset if they see their exes in the right situation. It goes like this:
Happy, Well Adjusted Person seeing their Ex
============================
Sees Ex.
INTENSE PAIN, ANGER!!
20 seconds later: Meh, I've got to remember to get shampoo at the CVS.
Depressed Person seeing their Ex
=====================
Sees Ex.
INTENSE PAIN, ANGER!!
How could she leave me?
Was she cheating on me before?
How could she do that?
Why does this always happen to me?
Will I ever be happy?
My life is so screwed up.
Is she bad-mouthing me behind my back?
Who is she with now?
That time when she did XXX, it really made me mad.
Why was I such an idiot and did not to see the signs??
My so called friends should have warned me. Did they know?
How could she leave me like that?
I sent her a card after the break up, what a pathetic loser I am!
I'm never going to find someone.
.....
2 days later: Ugh, I forgot to get shampoo at the CVS. I AM SUCH A LOSER!!
THIS IS THE BIG TRICK:
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The problem is NOT YOUR EX. The problem is not your specific thoughts or feelings and whether they are insightful or accurate or justified (they often ARE insightful, which makes them all the more enticing). The problem is that you are in pain and have unconsciously stopped deciding what to think and what to do and have let your brain slip into autopilot mode without noticing it. The ESSENTIAL problem, the only real problem, is slipping into autopilot mode.
See:
http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf
- vital